Deege's Blogger
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
  Aje came over for a few today and I saw all of her L.A. pictures. Was great to see her finally! Gonna keep this post short because I'm just trying to get my blogger to LOAD. damn thing. 
Sunday, May 25, 2003
  My name it means nothing
my fortune is less
My future is shrouded in dark wilderness
Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on
Everything I possessed - Now they are gone
They are gone
They are gone

Oh where can I go to and what can I do?
Nothing can please me only thoughts are of you
You just laughed when I begged you to stay
I've not stopped crying since you went away

The world is a lonely place - you're on your own
Guess I will go home - sit down and moan.
Crying and thinking is all that I do
Memories I have remind me of you

- Solitude by Black Sabbath. 
Thursday, May 22, 2003
  Woke up an hour early and can't get back to sleep. Lindsay is going to be waaaay late to school again. She is literally almost every day. Mr. Mohr is pissed off and she's failing her first period class because of it, and dad grounded her and wouldn't let her talk to her boyfriend anymore. But she pretended like she was going to straighten up and he let her talk to him again....but she's only been on time ONCE since then. Yet he hasn't said a word to her. I would be black & blue if I did that. That little bitch gets away with everything. Not much else to say as I'm barely awake. Except that I gotta move dad's ugly new van OUTTA MY WAY so I can leave for school later. I left my window down yesterday. Glad it didn't rain. I've got a Sociology test today. And I probably get my awful History Of American Art test back today. I know it's going to be awful. I totally just made a bunch of B.S. up. I couldn't put names with paintings. And I don't think I got a single painting title correct. Fun Fun. Oh well, I heard this guy usually drops the worst grade and doubles the best one anyway.
I actually updated my Metallica website the other day! LOL Haven't done that in 2 years. I noticed that people are STILL visiting my Skid Row website and signing the guestbook. CRAZY. I sometimes forget that site still exists. Well, I can't think of much else to say so I'm gonna publish this biotch... 
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
  Dad bought a new (well, a 95) van. And also snagged $90 from me. I have $8 in my pocket. And plus they took over $100 of mine that was in their bank account. I have no gas money for the rest of the 3 weeks of class until they pay me back. I went with him to pick up the van. It turned out to be a preacher who owned it. And my shirt has a HUGE upsidedown pentagram right on the back. LOL! \m/  
  I just took some time to fuck with the layout of this board. I got the colors I want now, so that's cool! I'm diggin' this orange. 
  Well...This is my first post in this blogger. Can't really sleep...feeling pretty depressed, like usual. I am listening to "Dosed" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Great sad song. I am sick of being lonely and depressed. Something's gotta change. I don't know what to do. Everything I do always backfires or goes without notice. I miss my old friends, and I'm finding it impossible to make new ones. I hope Adrianne actually visits me this summer. I haven't seen her in over 9 months, but she doesn't seem to care that I exist anymore for the mostpart. I wish she cared enough to give me at least one measly phone call or something. But she's in L.A. right now drunk and having the time of her life. Has no idea that I am home crying and thinking about her right now, I'm sure. I doubt she cares anymore. I don't bother to even tell her how I feel anymore because I know she doesn't care, and whenever I try to convey how I feel I piss her off, and in turn, make myself feel worse. Ugh. I can't believe this still upsets me this bad after all this time. I can't move on. I've tried so hard. I just feel so awful. Aje was/is my best friend. Nobody means as much to me as she does. I never connected with anyone before as much as with her. Noone else makes me feel that happy, just being around them. Why is it I find one person that I care about so much and feel as if I can't live without, and then all of the sudden they decide I am the one person that they don't need in their life anymore?! I can't stand it! UGHHHHHHH! I'm gonna try to sleep. 
This is the place where I post my random nightly thoughts when I can't sleep (usually every night)...

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